Fear of the Blank Page
To whom (if anyone) it may concern:
This blog has been up and empty since May 1, 2012. Until now, I’ve posted nothing on it. Nevertheless, in spite of being un-posted, I’ve received two comments.
The first was from Blog itself and it came a split-second after I activated it. At first, I saw a box titled “Hello world!” In the box, Blog welcomed me to itself and urged me to post something on it. I was flustered by the speed with which Blog had started up and how quickly it began badgering me.
Down below, in the “Comments” box, I found a comment from a Mr. WordPress. “Go ahead! Post something!” Blog was saying. And there I sat, flustered and embarrassed. “I can’t think of anything right now,” I stammered. “I’ll check with you later. Tomorrow, maybe.”
Wasn’t it enough that I finally figured out how to set you up, Blog? Now you’re ordering me around? And what’s with this Mister business? I’m old enough to be your great-great-grandfather, so start showing me some respect! What you need, Mr. Blog, is a Time Out! (I didn’t say any of that aloud, of course. Who knew what else Blog was capable of?)
I just quietly closed Blog down and opened up writer-friendly, non-judgmental Free Cell in whose pleasant company I spent many an hour waiting for an answer to the question: What should I write in my “make-or-break” First Post?
I had done my on-line research and knew full well what an irrevocable step I’d be taking. A perfect First Post would win me hundreds (perhaps thousands, maybe even millions) of faithful followers who would hang on my every word, follow all my advice, embrace all my opinions and risk death from holding their breath waiting for what I would proclaim next. Forever!
I also knew that anything less than a perfect First Blog would doom me to obscurity like that tree that crashed to the ground in that forest with nobody around. My imperfect First Post would lie there, ignored by busy, indifferent people surfing through the bustling blogosphere. Better to leave Blog empty until I came up with a First Post that was not only brilliant and captivating but perfectly so.
From time to time, I would check that “Hello world!” box on Blog whose first words stared back at me. I thought of deleting them, but that would leave – OMG! – an empty space waiting to be filled. But with what?
Sometimes, I’d stop brooding about content and worry about how, mechanically, I could fill that box where you post stuff. I write with Word for Mac, you see, and I thought I’d try roughing something out in a Word document and then somehow re-type it into Blog. Or maybe I could just Copy-and-Paste. But what if I screwed up and filled that space with typos and format errors? Would quick-on-the-trigger Blog immediately disgorge that mess into the Internet before I could figure out how to stop it?
There was a lot to think about, a lot to look at before I leaped. I could have asked for help, but at my age – when younger people are about the only people left to ask – I know that asking too many questions might buy me a one-way ticket to Shady Acres Home on that hill overlooking the river Styx. So I remained mute and un-posted.
Days passed. Then weeks. Then months. I could almost hear Blog quoting Dorothy Parker: “Dear Patrick, how seldom of you.”
Blog finally lost patience with me. On July 6, 2012, at 10:30 pm, Blog sent me a blunt e-mail, reminding me who it thought was wearing the pants in our relationship. It read: [patrick trese] Please moderate “Hello world!”
How dare Blog e-mail me in that tone of voice! And how could I “moderate” something I hadn’t even begun? I was angry and a bit frightened. But after a little while – no more than two days – I opened the e-mail and found a compliment from an old friend: the esteemed, prolific, better-writer-than-I’ll-ever-be: Lawrence Block.
“Hi, this is another comment,” Larry had written. “Just wanted to say that this is one of my favorite blogs. It doesn’t wear you out with one post after another. It’s terse, even laconic, two words I rarely get to use.”
Well, I can feel a friendly kick-in-the-pants when it’s delivered. So, I told myself, I had better overcome my chronic fear of the blank page somehow. And I did. How? Just maybe, I told myself, my First Post didn’t have to be perfect. Maybe it just had to be done.
So I sat down, opened up Blog, took a deep breath and tapped out: To Whom It May Concern:
Nice going! It had taken less than a month for Larry’s satirical comment to get me typing those five words. Sure, the line needed work. But after that breakthrough, some more words popped into my head. And so here it is: my First Post!
Now, if I don’t forget how to begin something new, I’ll be able to fill in that “About” section and write many more posts. And, pretty soon, you and a lot of other people will start learning what I think, what I’ve done, what I hope to do. In short, by using Mr. Blog, I’ll be letting a lot of Whoms that I don’t know much about know almost everythingabout me!
OMG! What a terrifying thought!
Originally published on August 7, 2012